Are you ready for confessions of years past?
It may seem cliche to post concerning the New Year... but maybe I'm cliche ;)
Recently, someone I don't really know told me they were checking out my myspace page. YES, I said "myspace." HAHA... I literally forgot I even had a myspace. Curious, I logged on (I too was shocked that I actually remembered my login info) to check out just what someone might learn about me from myspace. Well, I learned that it had been 3 years since my last login... so what would it be like to meet Leslie 3 years ago?
I will be the first to admit I hate first impressions. I think it can be hard to get who someone is only meeting them one time. So both ways, not always the biggest fan of first impressions. BUT-- I had a good first impression of this other Leslie.
Prepare yourself because I'm about to refer to myself in the third person.
This girl was an avid blogger who always had something encouraging to say. Each time she wrote, even when it seemed like the inspiration for her blog was out of a painful experience, the encouragement shared through it was obviously authentic. She wasn't just trying to make her life look good or awesome... she believed it with everything within her.
It seemed obvious that her life was centered around Christ. She made it obvious that she was going through a hard time... but that she had hope.
My feelings when I finished learning about the old me were quite mixed! On one hand I'm like... where IS that girl?! And on the other I'm like... check yes for heck yes, filled with hope about this awesome life I know is waiting for me. I'm being really transparent here. Basically what I'm telling you is this: I feel like I degressed. I'd like to pinpoint the cause for you but I don't think I can blame it on one thing. I think there's a few major factors: complacency, taking my eyes of my dreams/dreaming, and misplaced hope. When your hope is placed in people, you're going to get disappointed... when you lack hope you're going to be complacent...and complacent people don't chase their dreams.
God's already been stirring in me SO much... a fire has literally been lit under my tail and I'm so thankful for this renewed desire to just know God. I promise I'm not saying this to sound self righteous in any way... because I will be honest again... for a while that desire faded away. It didn't exist. It sometimes takes our brokenness and realization that when we are down to nothing...without HIM we ARE nothing.. but when we're down to nothing, and we have Him... dude, we are the strongest we can be bro. True story. SO-- I am thankful for the broken times, I am thankful for the battles I've gone through in my health that have helped to build this strength, I'm thankful for a BIG God who we can't figure out, but He makes sure we know how much He loves us.
So---when you feel like you're complacent. Maybe it's time to get broken. Maybe it's time to allow God to show you who He is... so that you can develop who you are in Him. Let's goooo!
