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So,

I've only been home since last night...so not even an entire day.  It's probably unfair to judge things by how they've gone so far....so I won't :) It's not all bliss, ponies and rainbows.  It's a lot of stressing about drinking enough water and trying to figure out how to keep my nausea/other "stuff" under control.  BUT--- I'm HOME!  The first thing I did was lay in my bed and cry.  It's just so liberating being out of there!  Obviously, I still covet your prayers, but I do know I'm on the road to recovery.  With God, ALL things are possible.

One thing I wanted to address on here was part of my hospital stay.  So, I'm a Christian.  Most of you know that by now.  One pretty crucial part of that, for me, is having some alone time to think/pray/listen to worship music, whatever.  Well guess what, that's pretty stinking impossible to accomplish when you're in the hospital and you feel like CRAP.  Half the time I don't get a chance to do that when I'm feeling awesome.  Think about when you're at your lowest low and you just want to feel some sort of encouragement, some sort of that unconditional love you can't find anywhere but Jesus.... His spirit lives inside of us, of course, but I am gonna be candid.... I wasn't feeling a darn thing.  I was like... Jesus I need you.  I will tell you, even though I couldn't physically "feel" anything I took God at His word, that He would never leave nor forsake us.  I wasn't gonna die but LIVE and proclaim the works of the Lord, basically just meditating on Gods Word, the Bible.  It wasn't all the time, it wasn't constant, but I knew I had promises to stand on.

I'm saying all of that to say this: there's a scripture in Psalm 23 that says "yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil......." It goes on from there, but that scripture is talking through desperation.  It's saying.... There WILL be times when you're walking through the valley of the shadow of DEATH, there's a million songs I can name and scriptures describing times when we're just so cold to the things of God, or so far away we don't think we can ever come back.... I guess I want to encourage you that you can stand on Gods Word.  And even if you don't feel a thing in that moment.  STAND.  STAND on that Word because it's true.

I had the opportunity to get by myself today and just thank God for bringing me through the junk I went through.... and asking Him to help me with the road ahead.  And I promise you I heard him say, so easily, "don't you know that with me all things are possible?" And then I just thanked Him for His provision and I promise you again I heard him say "Don't you know you're the daughter of the Most High God?"--that's all I need for the rest of my life to re affirm my faith when I'm feeling down.  And I just felt His presence, which is invaluable.

That probably seems like a bunch of spiritual mumbo jumbo but for real.  When you feel like you're so far away from God, I promise you He's still right there.  He loves you so much and He wants a relationship with you.  I have a long road ahead of me.... I'm sitting here typing this in my bald head wrapped with my yellow blankie thinking about barfing or napping, so there's a glimpse of the road I'm on.... but please be encouraged that God wants what's best for us, no matter what the circumstances around us look like!

Finally!

Man, it's kind of bitter sweet when you're excited they've scheduled a bone marrow transplant finally.  I'll give you a minute to swallow that.  Normally, I would NOT be excited in the least (except to have the end in sight!), but considering the past 3 weeks.... I'd say that's plenty of set backs and let's get the show on the road.

Since I last updated I was released from Soin, a local hospital, where I spent 5 days.  They were looking for some sort of infection because I kept getting fevers.  Well, 2 hospital stays later, some frustrating conversations with doctors, they found my symptoms to be myeloma related to they want me in for transplant ASAP.  I don't know "why" it's had to be this difficult..... I am thankful, so thankful for the people around me helping me every moment!  Especially My seester Amy and bro Marshall for letting me stay at their house and recover recently!  I will say that through this I KNOW, already, some of the small nuggets Gods been teaching me along the way.  Some, not easy lessons to digest.  And the rest of it I'm like... I'm moving forward and embracing hope and saying God show me the doors to walk through when this is over.  Show me what YOU want my life to look like.  That's a tall order folks.  That order calls for change, and it also calls to NOT care what others think about my decisions.  I get hung up on that so much.  But I'm learning, it doesn't matter.  Gods opinion is the only one I care about, tough pill to swallow?  For some, but that's where I'm at.

So transplant is scheduled for THIS Monday, 3/3.  This is a 16-18 day hospital stay.... they'll give me a high dose of chemo, infuse my healthy stem cells back into me, and watch them grow!  It's such a long stay because the chemo causes all of my counts to sort of nose dive and it can be very easy to get infection during that time, so they really have to monitor you.  It's a pretty high dose of chemo so a lot of people struggle with nausea, etc.  So pray for no nausea, and pray that God is working on and with every single doctor and nurse on my team.  God, give them wisdom and help this to be the smoothest ever!  I think it's days 4-6 that'll be the toughest for me side-effect wise, so keep me in prayer a lot Thurs-Sat, please :)

And I'm ready to start looking ahead.  This whole thing had me sort of stuck in the very sticky place that it is for some time, and it's sometimes hard to look past that.  However, I'm choosing to look ahead.  Like the Proverbs 31 woman who laughs without fear of the future.  Ha!  So now you're all updated.  Not sure I'll get a chance to update in hospital, we will see.  Thanks everyone for praying, I appreciate it more than you know!

oxoxox
Leslie

Update 3

Ohhhh boy.

What an unforseen week or so it's been since my last update! Well, I was discharged from OSU this past Tuesday, feeling pretty good.  Wednesday I felt pretty good but in the evening started to feel a little bleh.  I took my temperature and had a fever of 101.0, according to my discharge papers, that's grounds for an ER visit after the whole OSU fiasco.

So after much hesitation, Mom Amy and I go to the ER, THANK GOD they decided not to transport me back to OSU, it's just too far away and further from everyone I know and love.  They did, however, decide to admit me.  It's just easier to keep a close eye on me I guess.

I will be candid and say that hearing I needed to be admitted again was a tough pill to swallow.  And I'll be even more candid and say that I was beginning to feel discouraged.  Well, thankfully, God knows exactly what's been going on, He's been right here all this time.  On the days I needed the most encouraging, I got the most visitors, some quite unexpected.  It's amazing how just being around positive, faith filled people will slap things into perspective.  Although I absolutely know I will fail a lot of times, I know now that there's no need to be discouraged.

So on the technical/medical/what's going on front: I don't know.  they've checked for infection that could have been causing fever using every known test to man.  Some days (like today) I feel really good. Other days are a struggle.  I'm basically being treated with broad spectrum antibiotics... My kidney function was high so they are giving me fluids to try and keep my kidneys healthy. Also-- I have a picc line now instead of the catheter(that was removed from my chest.) This is great because they don't have to keep stabbing me. HOPEFULLY I GET TO GO HOME STINKING SOON!  I'm so ready :)

And again, thanks to everyone checking in, visiting, just caring & most importantly PRAYING:  Here's my encouragement today

Isaiah 55:12-13
"You will live in joy and peace
The mountains and hills will burst into song
And the trees of the field will clap their hands!
Where once there were thorns, cypress trees will grow
Where nettles grew, myrtles will sprout up
These events will bring great honor to the Lords name
They will be an everlasting sign of His power and love"

xoxox
Leslie

Update 2- (post chemo still pre-transplant)

So, since my last update, you simply knew that I was waiting for my counts to come up enough to collect some healthy stem cells.  Well...low and behold, I got that faithful call Friday morning!  Dad and I made the trek up to Columbus and it wad made known to us that we would need 5 million cells collected total for transplant.  They called me just as I made it home to let me know I collected 3.5 million that day.  I was frustrated that we didn't get them all in one day, but at the same time it all happened sooner that I had expected.  So Saturday morning, my awesome roomie Kaitlyn and I headed up (at the butt-crack of dawn) to collect the rest of the cells. 

Just FYI-Stem Cell collection is pretty easy.  It's all done through an apheresis catheter (kind of like a port) in my chest.  A machine takes the blood out of my body through one of the catheters, collects the stem cells into a hanging bag and puts the blood (now void of the stem cells) back into my body.  The process takes about 5 hours and results can vary from day to day. 

Soooo, the second day they got more than enough to get my total 5 million stem cells, thank God!

So at this point, I'm super thankful things are going (finally) in the right direction as far as my time-line is concerned. 

Sunday morning, about 4:30 a.m., I woke up and I'm having excruciating pain in my neck that I think is being caused from the apheresis catheter that was placed there on the Monday that I received chemo almost 2 weeks ago.  I had noticed at least 5 days ago, that the vein in my neck was really sore and hurt badly basic any time I moved it and it was only getting worse.  I even checked in with a couple of nurses who said it was normal to have pain in your jugular after having the catheter placed because it irritated the vein. 

So later on, on Sunday... the pain get unbearable, I start to feel nauseous and Amy, Marshall and Kaitlyn all took real good care of me and made sure that my doctor were called and informed about the situation so we knew what we had to do.  We end up at the local ER who does a CT scan where they inject die to specifically look at arties and veins.  When we got the results back, it was confirmed that a blood clot had formed, it started in my external and ended in my internal jugular.  Unfortunately, all I can think about is a delayed time line.  Questions like, will they have to put in a new catheter?, do they have to wait a long time to take out the existing catheter?, is it risky to take out the catheter?, how long is this really going to set me back?, start running through my mind.  Thankfully, when transport had to come to drive me from Dayton to Columbus, I met two of the nicest and encouraging people I could have encountered at this state along my path.  We just talked and rode the hour long drive about God and healing, life and trials, how Pittsburgh Steelers suck... God definitely, even then, amidst my seeming delay and inconvenience, encouraged me and helped me gain some perspective. 

So, I'll try and sum up these last few days as quickly as possible.  In short, I'm bald, I don't have an apheresis catheter anymore, I am still admitted to OSU and have been since Sunday, but I'm doing okay.  I will be allowed to be discharged when I have been fever free for 48 hours and all of my blood cultures come back negative.  I still have quite a bit of swelling and pain in my neck and it's up to a drug called Heparin and my body to break down this clot... obviously the Lords help too.  Also, I'm on day 2 of being fever free-Praise the Lord!!  At this point, I can't say how soon they'll be ready to admit me for transplant, they just want me completely healthy before I'm admitted to receive chemo again for the transplant. 

So thankful for everybody's love and support they have shown this last week!  From the prayers, to phone calls, to text messages, my heart is overflowing with gratitude.  Special shout out to Amy who is typing this right now (AWKWARD) and too my Mom, Dad, Danielle and Kaitlyn--who have gone the extra mile.  Yup...I think that about sums this up this week.  Please continue to pray no more neck pain, swelling, that the blood clot goes away, that nothing is delayed more than it needs to be. 

Your all awesome, have a great day, God Bless.

And since I (Amy) is the one typing this, I really wish I could have inserted all of the hilariously awesomeness of dosing loopy Leslie.  Because it would have made this Blog, perfect.  Also, don't be offended if your texts or phone calls aren't responded too, she falls asleep trying really hard!  I promise!  Bahahahaha, she's gunna kill me, this is fantastic.  Also, don't judge her by all the track marks on her arms, I mean, it's been a tuff time.... hahaha!!!  :D

Update 1

Hey All,

I promised to keep you all updated, so here's your update!

I went to Columbus Sunday night with my Mom and Monday morning was scheduled to have a port put in and to get some chemo.  The chemo is supposed to drop my counts rapidly so that they can come up rapidly, this way its easier for them to collect stem cells to use during the transplant.  It's considered "mobilization therapy" to get those stem cells mobilized--- I didnt know what to expect because I didn't have to have this last time because my counts were down low enough last time.

Thanks to everyone's prayers and to God, I have done remarkably well with it!  I am already back at my apartment, after spending the first couple of days with my sister Monica in Greenville.  My Mom is staying with me through Sunday and next week I'll have to have labs drawn each day and they'll have to keep a super close eye on my counts and make sure I don't need any blood transfusions.  The chemo makes your counts drop low so I don't know if I'll just feel fatigued a little, but the thing I'm ecstatic about is that the nausea didn't really follow me home from the hospital....and the nausea is the WORST.  So I actually feel relatively noraml which I count as a miracle considering!  I've had so much encouragement and uplifting messages and texts, e-mails and cards from everyone and I've drawn strength from them all!  I haven't lost my hair yet and they say with cytoxan (the chemo i got monday) you usually will.... but whatever, I'll take my hair today and hopefully tomorrow and we'll cross that hurdle when we get there.  I'm not above praying for my hair follicles, bahahaha.

For real though, after my counts come up enough I will go back to Columbus, they will collect my healthy stem cells, and transplant will follow.  So-- for now I just wait and stay away from germs and keep an eye on my counts.  I'm so thankful for everyone's prayers, I'm feeling great, to God the glory.

Have a great day :)

xoxoxo
Leslie

She Laughs Without Fear of the Future

So, life is a journey!

I never know who will read these blogs, so forgive me if you already know some of my background and I tell you more information than you need :)

In July of 2009, I had a bone marrow transplant to treat mutliple myeloma, a blood cancer that in short is simply too many plasma cells that like to attack your bones and major organs.  I was blessed enough to have caught it extremely early, thank you Lord!  After much prayer, fasting and consideration I decided to go ahead and have it treated.  This was a difficult decision, because the outcome I would've preferred was a miraculous healing prior to treatment!  God gave me an unhumanly amount of strength to cope through this treatment and diagnosis! (Not to mention the unfailing support of family and friends, of course!)  I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that His hand was on me through the whole thing, and I came out kickin'!  Take that!  Also, Romans 8 tells us that God causes ALL things to work together for the GOOD of those who LOVE Him and are CALLED according to HIS purpose.  I definitely know I love HIm, and I'm called according to His purpose, so the conclusion I draw is: He will make it Good.  

Since December 2012, I've been keeping an close eye on my blood counts, where the abnormal protein that determines my "remission" (let's call it what it is though, healed!) was slowly creeping up.  So, for a little over a year I've been praying and seeking wisdom on what comes next.  I completely, wholly and truly believe in healing.  I know that Jesus bore stripes on His own back that literally paid for every sin we did or ever will commit, and any sickness or infirmity in our body.  I KNOW this beyond the shadow of a doubt.  I don't doubt that He can intervene at any time.  I struggle daily with the decision to have my condition treated medically, because I know we serve a GREAT God who can do anything!  But at the end of the day, I have a peace about my decision.  I pray for my doctors, coordinators, nurses... for wisdom beyond compare!  And although it is a struggle (maybe that sounds crazy to some of you, but hear me before you judge me) I do have a peace, and I belive that Gods timing is perfect, and most importantly, He has a future for me.... and you ;)  This was not a decision made over dinner in a weeks time....

OK--that being said!  Most of you I know and a lot of people have been curious and I just want to give you all an update so you can be praying wtih me and expecting a miracle!

I will be getting chemo on Monday to lower my negative counts so that healthy stem cells can be collected within a week or two after the chemo.  Following stem cell collection, I will be admitted for 16ish days where I will have another bone marrow transplant.  

(quick interjection.  Thank you SO much to my family, church family, co-workers and friends who have shown an overwhelming amount of love to me the past few months!!!  I seriously can't covey my grattitude because I feel so undeserving of everyones kindness! so thank you!)

My ask to you is to simply pray!  Specifically the chemo on Monday that I feel awesome when it's over..... no side effects, nausea, vommiting, diahrrea, bladder problems, etc.  Those are the big ones!  If you could do one thing, it would be to pray!

Now-maybe some of you read the above, regarding my faith.  And just to touch on that very quickly.... maybe you're just wondering about that.  Maybe it just sounds like babbling.  I want you to know that God has proven Himself to me over and over.  Earlier in life and through this situation... He has spoken to me regarding my situation in the craziest ways!  Customers at my job, friends with insight they shouldn't have, and the ability for me to have peace and sleep at night :)  I am not this strong on my own..... and thank God, becuase HIs strength is made perfect in our weakness.  

So I love you all, I'll keep you posted, feel free to text me or message me and I'll keep you all up to date!  

xoxoxox

Leslie