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So,

I've only been home since last night...so not even an entire day.  It's probably unfair to judge things by how they've gone so far....so I won't :) It's not all bliss, ponies and rainbows.  It's a lot of stressing about drinking enough water and trying to figure out how to keep my nausea/other "stuff" under control.  BUT--- I'm HOME!  The first thing I did was lay in my bed and cry.  It's just so liberating being out of there!  Obviously, I still covet your prayers, but I do know I'm on the road to recovery.  With God, ALL things are possible.

One thing I wanted to address on here was part of my hospital stay.  So, I'm a Christian.  Most of you know that by now.  One pretty crucial part of that, for me, is having some alone time to think/pray/listen to worship music, whatever.  Well guess what, that's pretty stinking impossible to accomplish when you're in the hospital and you feel like CRAP.  Half the time I don't get a chance to do that when I'm feeling awesome.  Think about when you're at your lowest low and you just want to feel some sort of encouragement, some sort of that unconditional love you can't find anywhere but Jesus.... His spirit lives inside of us, of course, but I am gonna be candid.... I wasn't feeling a darn thing.  I was like... Jesus I need you.  I will tell you, even though I couldn't physically "feel" anything I took God at His word, that He would never leave nor forsake us.  I wasn't gonna die but LIVE and proclaim the works of the Lord, basically just meditating on Gods Word, the Bible.  It wasn't all the time, it wasn't constant, but I knew I had promises to stand on.

I'm saying all of that to say this: there's a scripture in Psalm 23 that says "yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil......." It goes on from there, but that scripture is talking through desperation.  It's saying.... There WILL be times when you're walking through the valley of the shadow of DEATH, there's a million songs I can name and scriptures describing times when we're just so cold to the things of God, or so far away we don't think we can ever come back.... I guess I want to encourage you that you can stand on Gods Word.  And even if you don't feel a thing in that moment.  STAND.  STAND on that Word because it's true.

I had the opportunity to get by myself today and just thank God for bringing me through the junk I went through.... and asking Him to help me with the road ahead.  And I promise you I heard him say, so easily, "don't you know that with me all things are possible?" And then I just thanked Him for His provision and I promise you again I heard him say "Don't you know you're the daughter of the Most High God?"--that's all I need for the rest of my life to re affirm my faith when I'm feeling down.  And I just felt His presence, which is invaluable.

That probably seems like a bunch of spiritual mumbo jumbo but for real.  When you feel like you're so far away from God, I promise you He's still right there.  He loves you so much and He wants a relationship with you.  I have a long road ahead of me.... I'm sitting here typing this in my bald head wrapped with my yellow blankie thinking about barfing or napping, so there's a glimpse of the road I'm on.... but please be encouraged that God wants what's best for us, no matter what the circumstances around us look like!